I am, by nature, a person who likes to know.
I like to know what I am doing, where I am going, what I have to get done by when, what the plan is, what I can work around and what I can't.
I am all about knowing, when I know, I feel in control.
But I am learning that there are things that as much as I want to know, I don't get to know.
What does my future hold? Is it what I want it to be? Does God's plan match up with my desires? Does He want for me what I want for me? And do I even get to think that, following Him, since my plans are supposed to be whatever He may have in store for me?
I tumble over these questions a lot in my head. I do want what God wants for me, but, I get scared that it may not be the picture I had in my head.
I often get frustrated with why things don't seem to be going the way I want them to and why things aren't seeming to fall into place. As I was thinking about this the other day, God granted me with a picture, a revelation of sorts.
I saw a puzzle and me trying hastily to shove the pieces into place. I didn't know what I was creating but I knew what I wanted and was trying so hard do get there. Blindly fighting, I was frustrated.
Much like I am with trying to fit the pieces together in my own life, to create the picture that I want it to be.
That isn't how it is supposed to work. God then showed me that when I let Him, the master creator and the one who knows the big picture, start carefully placing the pieces in, things start to fall together, creating an image, a beautiful picture of what He has for me.
He takes the pieces, crumbled and cried on, rough from me trying to put them where I want them and says "In my timing. This doesn't fit here, we aren't ready for this yet. See, oh don't you see? Let me show you, this piece must go here first, or it won't create the wonderful picture I have in store for you."
When I hand the pieces over to God to allow Him to create the picture, He carefully starts crafting them, in His timing, piece by piece. There is no pain from shoving pieces where they don't belong. There is no frustration in not knowing where things go, what they are to look like, and later realizing that what I had done, wasn't right at all.
There is only the simple beauty of knowing that what God is creating is much more immaculate that I could have ever imagined and all I have to do to get there is hand it over to Him.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us"
-- Ephesians 3:20
My God, who loves me more than I could ever imagine, is doing and working a great work in me, piecing together every little detail of this wonderful puzzle of my life. Although it doesn't make sense to me, I have to remember that when I take control and try to make it work, that it is nothing but trouble and tears. My life, is in His hands and with that, He is creating a beautiful picture, a work of art, all pieced and puzzled together by a Creator who loves me.