Friday, October 17, 2014

Friends, flowers, and weeds.

Have you ever heard the saying "If friends were flowers I'd pick you" or "Friends are flowers in the garden of life" -- I have, plenty of times before and although those cutesy little sediments make for good on a front of a card, I have begun to think about them a little differently. Not too much, but enough.

I have begun to compare friendships to flowers and gardening. Now, before I go any further, I must say that I don't plant and grow flowers but I know the basics; and that is all that is needed here. I am just going to keep it simple.

I envision my palette of friendships as a garden. If I look at it this way, I see every friendship as a plant. Some, as flowers and some as weeds. Each one needs tended to in order to grow and the ones left alone tend to die. The gardener (or person with the friendships) gets the choice in which plants/friendships are tended to and how often they are tended to. The type of plant (or friend) also has determining factors. Just as friends both put into the friendship both the flower and the gardener have to help each other out in order to flourish.

It always starts with a seed. The love, attention, detail, time..ect. starts to grow the plant and over time the roots get deeper and deeper. The friendship more rooted and more beautiful. The flower is trusted, a staple to your garden and life. The roots grow deep and soon enough are down engraved deep into the ground, into your heart. As this works with flowers, this can also work with weeds if the friendship is a toxic one. The deeper the roots, the harder it is to remove and the more damage it is done when you go to remove it.

Sometimes, and always sadly, flowers get yanked from your garden. Someone comes by and plucks or yanks out that flower that you have so carefully been pouring your time and effort into, excited about what it will become. Or, drastically pulls a flower that you had so deeply rooted that a physical pain comes with it, literally rocking you to the core, because with those roots came ground and things are no longer what you thought. People also have a tendency to crush your flowers, walk on  your garden. Life seems to do this a lot, the storms come, people come stomping, or a rabbit gets into your beloved plants.

That is when you find out the hard way where the strength lies. Only the true ones make it out. The ones deep enough rooted or the ones dedicated enough to fight for you, to keep themselves planted because they mean something you to and you mean something to them.

Sometimes, as the gardener, you cause the chaos. Things must be uprooted and tossed because you thought you were sowing a seed that was a flower but instead it grew out to be a weed, a poisonous plant of some sort that you knew would be toxic to not only yourself but your garden as well. Sometimes though, we don't catch these until it's too late. They have already wrecked havoc, and yanking them seems almost impossible. As hard as it is though, you do it because you know it is worth it.

Starting counseling, I knew a change to my garden would eventually come to order.When I looked at it then, I could see a lot of weeds. There were some good, strong, and beautiful flowers, but there was more weeds than anything. Those weeds were deep and were starting to take over the few beautiful flowers I had. The start of maintenance to my garden did indeed come to order and it started with a rototiller and some weed eater.

I basically chucked all but two of those plants. The two flowers I had I worked around and I tilled that garden even though it hurt. Smoothed the soil, mixed in some fertilizer, tended to the two flowers I had left, and in the end, looked out to see my couple of pretty flowers with more empty space then I ever would have liked to see. 

It was hard, and painful to look and see my garden so empty. I realized that what I took out was not something that belonged there to begin with, but it hurt none the less. It hurt to look and see that out of all I thought I had, only two remained.

In a way, it was also refreshing. A brand new start. My garden was clean, tidy, and free of the weeds. The weeds that were strangling the actual flowers, and the weeds that weighed down my heart with such a force, I could sometimes feel it deep within, an almost literal pain.

Out of the pain that the tilling of my garden caused, a beauty started emerging, and still is. A chance to start pruning and growing what matters, and sowing new seeds with the hopes that I will have a beautiful garden. 

Over the little amount of time I have had with the new garden, a few things have happened. I stand here now, looking at it, with a small handful of stunning flowers. Flowers that I will protect with all I have. I would consider three, deeply rooted. Each a little deeper than another, withstanding trials, the storms as well as the sunny days. I have a few new seeds, new beginnings. I have a few sprouts, something that with time, has the potential to be beautiful, if it is able to grow how it needs to. I also have a few new plants, small but growing, thriving on the effort and working towards strong roots. Determined. Healthy. Promising.

I have also already pulled a couple weeds. Ones that somehow missed the tilling, showing themselves as flowers, only to reveal themselves later on as poisonous, threatening, and hurtful. I want no part in the weeds anymore. No part in the pain that weeds cause, to myself or the other flowers. And I don't have to have any part anymore. I don't have to keep thinking that the reason the weeds are there is because that is what I deserve or that is what I have to deal with or that it is because of me and is somehow all my fault. 

I know better now. Some plants are just weeds.

Those weeds, don't belong in my garden. So yee-haw little doggies, good bye you go and don't let the rabbit bite you on the way out. 

There is no room for weeds here! 

I am too busy tending to my flowers, nourishing and loving the ones that have been there, growing the new and beautiful ones that have come into my life and already shown me such love and care that a true friend should.

I am blessed. Although I have had to deal with weeds, I don't have to anymore, I am stronger and I know God's love, I can see it through the people He has placed in my life to love me and bless me, the flowers in my garden.

Friends are flowers in the garden of life- Thank the Lord for the garden He has blessed me with. And even, for the weeds I have had to deal with, for through them, I can see even more how beautiful my flowers are.

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